Just for the record I am a what you might call a guys, guy. That means I do all the disgusting things that women and metro sexual men consider “GROSS”. For example I drop nuclear gas on a regular basis and shit like a gorilla with mixed textural results. I do make a concerted effort to clean the toilet post explosion, but have been known to miss the odd skid mark from time to time blow deck…

* (I would like to point out in my defense that I have been diagnosed several years ago with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which for those of you who suffer from said affliction will know is a royal pain in the arse, sometimes literally).

…I blow my nose like it’s a TUBA in the shower and have been even known to take part in the occasional “PICK AND FLICK” when in the right environment (better out than in right fellas?). I can HOCK LOOGIES like an Olympic Champion and do like to sit on the couch in just my boxers playing the odd game of pocket billiards, without the pockets. So yeah, like most guys I am a bit of a pig. But let me be clear on one thing, all these “gross” actions mostly happen in the privacy of my own home, which is my domain and where it predominantly affects no one else.

Now, this brings me to my latest topic of social incorrectness and bewilderment. How is it that as soon as a man enters a public rest room he no longer gives a flying fuck where his urine and feces end up? Can someone please explain it to me? I can count on one hand the amount of times in the past 10 years that I have entered a public bathroom, whether it be at a bar, restaurant, cinema, bowling alley or any other public venue, and found myself not to be ankles deep in a puddle of piss. To add to that, I can count on two hands the amount of times in the past 5 years I have entered a public toilet and not found SHIT STAINS all over the inside of the bowl. WHAT THE FUCK? Are these dudes dumping a load from a great height? And have they never heard of a FUCKING TOILET BRUSH? Absolutely positively disgusting beyond belief. It grosses me out so much it makes me want to hurl. To me there is nothing more disgusting than someone else’s piss and shit. EWWWWWW.

The sad part of this is that fact that it only takes one guy to start off the chain reaction, because after that first little accident nobody and I mean NOBODY is gonna make the effort to clean up after someone else, and why should they? On top of that, from that moment on, us men also start to care significantly less about our own “AIM” and so on and so forth until we end up in SWIMMING IN SEWAGE. AND THEN we go that extra disgusting mile by saying fuck it, its too gross, let me use the LADIES and thus end up leaving their bathroom in the same piss and shit ridden  state. Imagine having to sit down in that! Oh and let’s not forget the smells… I have bloody nightmares about the smells… (GAG).

Gentlemen I am afraid it is time to be ashamed of ourselves. And Ladies I would like to apologize on behalf of all mankind. There is no doubt we as a gender are disgusting PIGS.

I for one truly make a concerted effort to leave a public toilet in a decent state when I leave, thinking respectfully for the next person that comes along. It’s something known as common decency, a concept that a lot of the world seems to have forgotten over the years. I truly wish that others would make the same effort, but i dont hold out any hope of change in the near future amongst us primates.

To me it seems that the evolutionary chain is coming around full circle.

CHARLES DARWIN must be rolling in his grave….